I know that every Stroke is different and that all Stroke Survivors is left their own deficiencies: for me one of the largest, perhaps the biggest, changes that I felt was sleep, or lack there of.
I had considered myself a good sleeper, normally needing no more than five or six hours a night. True, it was not unknown for me to have a “catch up” when I would sleep for up to eight. My normal sleeping pattern was to go to bed late, often between 01:00 and 02:00 rapidly fall asleep and then wake and rise around 07:00.
I am a writer with, at the time of my last Stroke, my first novel nearing completion and the second begun. Over the years the book has taken to write I developed the habit of writing late into the night and at the weekend. Before my last stroke I had been working six days a week, often till 20:00 or later, so with the normal family stuff the time I had to write was limited.
The night of my last Stroke all that changed.
Obviously that first night of my new life, or at least the start of the journey to my new world, was heavily disrupted. (See Post: Attack) As were many night to come. In all honesty I have no recollection of the nights between my last Stroke and going to hospital.
However, if you have read any of my previous posts you will know that, I do have clear memories of my first night in hospital. (See Post: Hospital Admission) That night I lost the first of many many hours of sleep.
Once I was home a pattern rapidly formed. I would wake early. Sometimes I would see 03:00 and on the odd occasion 02:00 but mostly I woke a little before 04:00. When I did wake I almost always found further sleep impossible. I have never been good at lying in bed once awake and now was no different. Many nights I would try to stay comfortable but as more often or not there were pins and needles down my right side it mostly proved hopeless: part of the reason was that as the tingling started a thought arose that they might the precursor of another Stroke. The only thing I could do was get up. Being up was no easier.
For a long time I became obsessed with my with my Blood Pressure, often taking it four or more times a day. Normally I waited until 08:00 to take the first reading but on the 19th February, for instance, I measured it six times starting at 04:00 and then every four hours or so until I retired at 22:00.
During the first few weeks another habit emerged that was to have a profound impact on my sleep patterns. By 22:30, most days, I was more than ready for bed. By “ready for bed” I mean completely and suddenly. No matter what I was doing my eyes would get heavy, and still do, and I knew that it did no good trying to fight it. I had to get used to taking my leave, no matter what was happening, and ascending to bed, where I was usually asleep in moments.
Mostly I slept soundly until I woke and then the process began again.
I tried very hard to keep from disturbing the rest of the family but of course I was fooling myself. Firstly it has a major impact on those around you if, regardless of the circumstances, I was having to go to bed much earlier than everyone else. Secondly, my being up and about before the rest of the house on occasion caused slight difficulties. For example: when my step-daughter and her boyfriend came back from their ski season he would spend roughly half the week at our house, nothing wrong with that. He had a job that meant leaving around 05:00. Often I would be up and writing when he came into the kitchen. These meetings were never easy, for a number of reasons.
He, in common with many young and not so young people, had left barest possible time between getting up and departure.
He was only just awake.
I had been awake for sometime and even before the Strokes my brain had always been active the moment it woke, something not always appreciated by my partners.
Just what do you say to the step-father of your girlfriend at 05:00?
It was not his fault: there had been no discussion or communication about what my Stroke meant but these unsatisfactory dawn encounters only added to the loneliness I was feeling. (See Post: The Loneliness of the Stroke Survivor)
The other problem being awake for long periods in the dark is that it gives your brain time to think, even a damaged one like mine. Unfortunately it is almost always the case that thoughts at that time are rarely positive. In my case I would argue that the very first thought in my head is actually a very positive one. In the early days it was 'Good, I’m still here!’, but over time has transmuted into ‘Still here, then? … OK, lets get on with the day.’
All in all my new sleep patterns are giving me the same amount of rest that I was getting on occasions in my previous life and on some days more. But has I now don’t have the energy reserves that I did then it causes some tiredness issues.
My new sleep patterns do not just affect me. They have almost as a dramatic impact on those closest to me. There are times when I am unable to take part fully in the happenings of family life. In time I hope that it may ease but as I am now two and a half years into the journey it is as it stands at the moment.
