There is a strange thing that has happened since things have settled down after my last Stroke. People seem to think that I’m drunk, well if not drunk at least under the influence.
Let me clarify. It is not everybody nor all of the time. But it seems to happen when my deficiencies reappear.
To be perfectly honest I can understand how the confusion occurs and perhaps you will too if I remind you of my deficiencies.
Headaches
Slurring of words
Losing track of words and sentences
Forgetfulness
Slight dragging of my right leg
Slight loss of power and grip of my right hand
Sudden shakes of the right arm
Slight loss of perception on the right side resulting in walking into things
Sudden tiredness and fatigue
Lack of Sleep
And thanks to the Horner’s
Sweating, especially on the right side of the face
Watering of the right eye
When I am tired, and sometimes when I’m not, some or all of the above show themselves. When they do there is often little or no warning and they can last for anything from a few moments to a couple of hours.
Out of interest I will now list some of the symptoms that those who are under the influence of alcohol display.
Anxiety or jumpiness
Clumsiness
Depression
Fatigue
Headaches
Insomnia
Irritability
Loss of appetite
Nausea or vomiting
Poor memory
Shaking or trembling
Slurring
Sweating
It does not take long to see that there are a number of symptoms that appear on both lists
Clumsiness
Headaches
Fatigue
Lack of sleep
Poor memory
Shaking
Slurring
Sweating
Even I can see that for those who do not know me and that I have had a Stroke could, possibly, make the assumption that I was under the influence. But for that know me? My nearest and dearest?
It would silly of me not to acknowledge that I do not drink and have never done so. It is also true that I have, in the past, drunk more than I should have and probably more than was good for me. But that was a long time ago and for a number of years now my drinking has been at a much lower level and my relationship with alcohol changed completely after my last Stroke. I have virtually removed red wine from my diet, the same with whiskey and now normally restrict myself to two bottles of beer of an evening and then only at the weekends.
Those who know me will also know that there is no pattern to the appearance of my deficiencies and they can appear wether I have had any alcohol or not.
There are other difference between my deficiencies and what I might present with if I was suffering from the effects of alcohol.
1. My deficiencies can appear with little or no notice
2. My deficiencies can disappear just as rapidly as they appear
3. My deficiencies, when they do appear, can last anything from a few seconds to a number of hours
4. My deficiencies can appear singly or in any combination
5. My deficiencies very rarely, if ever, appear when I obviously have a drink, say at a party or other gathering
6. My deficiencies appear when they want to, regardless of whose company I am in
There is one other striking element about all the times that my deficiencies have appeared, four or so, and have been wrongly attributed to alcohol: they have only happened when my step-daughter and I have been in the house on our own, or on one occasion with her and her boyfriend, in the evening.
On the first occasion the two youngsters were ensconced in the lounge, watching mindless television. I was in the office writing and then set about cooking dinner, Spag Bol. I do not remember what I produced but it was a little more than baked beans on toast. Around 21:00 I served their meal to them on trays so as not to interrupt the essential viewing. As a result of my unsteadiness and the fact that I was tired I could only carry one tray at a time. I stayed to chat to them for a few moments and then went back to eat my own food. I eventually went to bed at around 22:00, wishing them good night as I went. Unbeknownst to me the step-daughter had phoned her mother, after I went to bed, to say that she was worried that I was drunk. The following weekend my partner confronted me with the accusation that I was the worse for wear, which came completely out of the blue, a charge I strenuously denied. The evidence that that I had been more than a little tipsy was three fold
1. I seemed unsteady and was “holding” on to the mantlepiece
2. I was slurring my words
3. A half bottle of wine that had been in the kitchen was now empty
As I explained, not that I should have had to, the first two spoke for themselves and as to the third; I had used it in the meal.
The next three happened close together, a little over a week apart, almost two years later. Again my partner was working away but this time the step-daughter and I were alone with the dog. On all three occasions I got back from work before the step-daughter and so was up in the office, working on my latest book. As I always do, I came down to greet her and we had a chat about our days. On the first of the three she expressed a desire to what some, in my view, particularly rubbish TV so I told to enjoy it but I would continue working. Around 21:30 I grew tired and closed the computer down and instead of going to bed, as I probably should have, I asked if the step-daughter would mind if I watched some tennis on the large TV. I stayed up far too late as Johanna Konta was taken into a third set and in fact I feel asleep watching it, eventually going to bed at a round 23:45.
The second and third occasions followed exactly the same pattern as the first except that the step-daughter told me that she was probably going out for the evening. During the discussion about food the step-daughter said she would be eating out. On the third occasion I told her that two of the older people I do the gardens of had told me that they can go days without seeing anyone and we agreed that it was sad the way old people are often lonely, as did my partner when I discussed it with her on the phone.
On neither occasion did the step-daughter end up going out but in the meantime I had gone back to writing and produced my own food, going to bed when I grew tired. It was during the third evening that the step-daughter decided that I was up in the office drinking and phoned her mother worried that I was going to fall down the stairs; which to be honest I have done four times after my last Stroke but not due to drink.
The following weekend my partner and I went up to Edinburgh to attend the “Fringe” and it was on the Sunday that she decided to confront me with the belief that I had been up in the office “secretly” drinking and that it was not fair on the step-daughter. I was gob-smacked. I asked why she would say that which is when she told me about the fears of the step-daughter. I told her that I could see how the step-daughter would be worried about my falling down the stairs, as indeed was I, but asked why she would think I was drunk and what evidence she had. The partner accepted that there was no physical evidence and that the idea was based only on the “feeling” of the step-daughter and a little bit with more than a little nod toward my history with drink.
There was no getting my partner to even conceive that she and the step-daughter might be wrong! Worse than that my partner considered the lack of evidence to be conclusive proof of my secret drinking.
So I ask the question again.
Why do people think I’m drunk?
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